i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
