I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
