Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize