3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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