Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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