im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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