you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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