you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
