dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
