He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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