True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Even my vagina gasped.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
