From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
