it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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