You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
