Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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