god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize