Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
