You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
