if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
