This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
