he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.