The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"