We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.