Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
