i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
