It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I deserve this hangover.
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