just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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