i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
