Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
