Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
