I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
