I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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