addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
