I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
