I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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