I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
