If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
