Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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