It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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