is your mom at the bar?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
