Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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