He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize