You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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