the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
