matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
