If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
