There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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