Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
