I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
