hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
