I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
