Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
