sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
