He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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