he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
