dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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