We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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