The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
