U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
