he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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