I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom