Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.