Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my nose is crying tears of wow.