No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy