haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
