A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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