So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
