My cat gives me a boner
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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