You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
