we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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