hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
